Hadith is defined as the speech, action or confirmation of the Prophet (may Allah bestow peace and blessings be upon him), i.e. something would occur before him and he would not deny it. Thus, this was confirmation. Attendance of women at graves is permitted as long as they do not cry aloud. Note, that the Prophet (may Allah bestow peace and blessings be upon him) saw her inner state and gave her the best advice and did not insist when she did not initially accept it. The female companion accepted it, when she found out who he was.
وَقَالَ سَيِّدِي عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ الثَّعَالِبِيُّ فِي كِتَابِهِ الْمُسَمَّى بِالْعُلُومِ الْفَاخِرَةِ فِي النَّظَرِ فِي أُمُورِ الْآخِرَةِ : وَزِيَارَةُ الْقُبُورِ لِلرِّجَالِ مُتَّفَقٌ عَلَيْهِ وَأَمَّا النِّسَاءُ فَيُبَاحُ لِلْقَوَاعِدِ وَيَحْرُمُ عَلَى الشَّوَابِّ اللَّوَاتِي يُخْشَى عَلَيْهِنَّ مِنْ الْفِتْنَةِ وَذَكَرَ أَحَادِيثَ تَقْضِي الْحَثَّ عَلَى زِيَارَةِ الْقُبُورِ مواهب الجليل في شرح مختصر خليل 5/450 .
Again, please, note I am not an expert in other schools, so refer to the experts in these schools.
There are two major Wahabi/Selefi opinions: Albani allows women to visit graves and Ibn Al-Bazz does not.
As for those who disagree then a few scholars in geographical regions does not mean the entire Ummah have agreed. The vast majority of scholars allow it; with the conditions mentioned. There are others from other regions who do not agree with them but we have explained this. Yet, it all boils down to the same point, are they just reading the early hadiths and ignoring the rest? Alternatively, it is because things are plainly wrong because regrettable practices are taken place.
It could be either but it could just be regrettable practices. There does not seem to be the same practices prevalent in the UK. So could one argue that the fatwas were valid in there times and places but not valid elsewhere. Unless, similar practices are taking place in other countries. This is a hard question and needs research.
Hanafis note, the soundest position from zahir al-riwayah is that they are allowed to visit graves.
Let me get this right, a woman visited a grave and was allowed by Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her), she was well acquainted with the sacred law, of course. This hadith comes after the first two hadith, which forbade it. This affirms it was allowed afterward. We hear this report often and are enamored by it but we do not understand it?! Yet, we still do not allow women to graves because???! Imam Al-Nawawi (may Allah show him mercy) said, "Know that visiting the grave of the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) is one the most important of actions that draw one close (to Allah), as well as speedy success."
And Allah knows best.
How the Prophet (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) treated women click here